New job – week one!

I have had a GREAT first week at my new job as a first time manager. Everyone in the company have been so welcoming and friendly! I only got my devises (laptop, phone etc.) on Thursday afternoon, so most of the week was meetings with various departments and shadowing. Thankfully now I can get in with some real work!

I seem to have made a good impression, I’ve got loads of new, fresh ideas, and people are excited to hear them. I’ve even been said to be thinking outside the box! I’ll be meeting with the CEO next week, which I’m really looking forward to. I want to pick her brain about the organisation.

I’ve spent tonight ordering office-y things for my desk. I’ve never had my own desk before! It’s great! The team of two I’m managing seem pretty cool. One man one woman. Both a bit younger than me. They came into the project internally, so already know everyone and are familiar with the values of the charity. I’m going to deliver training on being a job coach and employability skills as they are both quite new to the employment department.

There is not much to report apart from how ecstatically happy I am right now! The early starts have been a bit tough. It’s 35 hours a week, 8:30am – 4:00pm. But the early start means an early finish!!! One of the days I arrived home at 4:50pm. Not even five! The evenings seem a lot longer which is nice. Just… absolutely loving life right now!

Interview 3rd time lucky!

After my last post – the interview I did for Business Development and Data Analysis job within the company was unsuccessful… to be fair, I was actually a little bit relieved. It was a shot in the dark for a pay increase and I was under qualified. I would have been out of my depth had I have been successful. Do that was interview number one.

Interview number two… after applying for the Lead role in a similar company’s employment department and hearing nothing back I was open to the job market. I received a phone call out of the blue from a recruitment agency who found my CV on CV Library. They had a vacancy to fill in the employment department of a charity/organisation that they thought I might be interested in. I heard them out and surprise, surprise – it was a mental health employability organisation that work with CMHT’s in the NHS. One of which I have had some level of support from. So an interview was set up with me over teams as the salary was set to be again a good five grand more than I am on currently. It was over Microsoft Teams, and I got through the interview with the opinion that it had gone really well. To be honest I thought I had it in the bag. However, the agency called me a few days later letting me know I’d been unsuccessful. I was actually shocked. I had more than enough experience but the feed back was that I talked my way off topic. That’s clearly my ADHD coming into play, along with your general interview nerves. So that was another fail.

The same day I found out I’d failed the second interview I received an email asking me to call a number regarding my application for the employability lead role (the one I thought I’d been overlooked for). So I phoned and they told me they loved my (10 page long) application and would like to invite me to interview! I was so thrilled. They explained the reason why it was so long since the application deadline to shortlisting was due to staffing absences. They postponed the shortlisting process until everyone could be together. I agreed and book the day off Annual Leave.

The interview was at 10am. It was a three part interview, 30 mins shadowing, 30 mins panel, and 30 mins values. I got through it, but after the last two knock backs I couldn’t tell if what I had done would be good enough. I felt pretty good in my outfit strutting around town all afternoon, post manager role interview. They told me I’d find out if I was successful either the next day or by the end of the week.

The very next day I was back at work. My first appointment didn’t show up. I got a phone call from an unknown number. It was one of the people who were on the panel telling me I was successful and had got the job of DWP Employability Lead! I almost screamed! This was everything I’d been dreaming about since spending about 10 hours on a 10 page application. I knew I had the relevant experience to be a manager, just needed to break through and be given that initial opportunity to prove myself in the role.

I’m so thrilled! This was more money salary wise than the other two jobs I went for. This one is a nine and a half grand increase! Biggest pay rise ever! I’ve handed my notice in at my current job and have had the official job offer letter from the new place. Both are homelessness charitable organisations, so I’m well versed in their clientele/needs. Only difference is – now I’ll be leading a team who do what I do now. I will be middle management. No longer customer facing. So ‘climbing that ladder’ as I said in a previous post, is now happening!!

My start date is Monday 7th March 2022. My working hours (which scare me a little) will be 8:30am – 4:00pm… I am shit at early starts….. that will have to change. Need to set the bar for my team. Can’t be a role model if I’m late! I’m so excited and nervous at the same time. Apparently I’m starting on the same day as my team! To be honest I would have preferred to have had at least a one day head start on them, so that I can get to grips with the targets snd what I’ll be asking of them.

Anyway. For now I’m just doing handover stuff at work with my manager and colleagues. It feels so strange that I’ll be moving on and up. we have all agreed that we’ll be in close contact once I’m gone, which is nice. My manager has been amazing. Cannot fault her. She is my rock. I doubt I’ll get that kind of support in work again, but now I have to be that manager to others.

Trying to climb the ladder…

I saw a job vacancy within the company I work for, it was advertised internally and externally. The role is more business development and data analysis, but I was interested… plus it pays five grand more a year than my current role. So, I went for it. I told my manager well in advance that I was interested, and like a complete legend she was entirely supportive. She did say she wouldn’t want to lose me, but completely understood.

Tuesday I went to the interview. It was held at head office and I had to book the afternoon off to attend. I arrived in my ill fitted suit – I had put on extra weight over Christmas – and the interview happened.

To be fair…. I think it went okay. I talked a lot and answered their questions, they wrote a lot, which I hope was a good sign… when it came to the end I asked a few questions, including when should I hear if I have been successful or not? To which they said the end of the week.

Which is today…

Nothing. No answer either way. They said they may have to hold another day of interviews, so they’d let me know by the end of the week. But no, nothing, I’m left hanging all weekend.

My mate (and colleague) has discovered jobs going at a similar charity, looking for positions with our type experience… they are also recruiting for a lead position which I believe I qualify for. The pay is amazing!

The deadline is Monday so I’m going to apply. If nothing comes of it, fair enough. There is no loss. I have a job, an income, I’m comfortable with the work I do, I have a great manager who is more than supportive with my issues. I am lucky to be where I am.

So whatever happens, or if nothing happens, I’m fine. And I need to remind myself of that.

I can’t focus!

Maan, I can’t focus at all lately. It seems I did a good job last week to finish my targets at work and whatnot but now I’m completely spent! and my diet has slipped big time! Which is utterly stupid because I’ve just spent £115.00 on a diet/weight loss app… I’ve not told Dom… I’m drinking all the time too, which is a bad sign that there is something I’m not coping with in life. I think it’s falling behind at work if I’m honest with myself. With each day I get further and further behind being ‘on top of things’… it gets me down and feeling guilty as hell, so I deal with that by getting drunk, which makes it hard to wake up, which makes me late, which makes me have to pay for a taxi, which is a waste of money, and I had to get an overdraft this month because I can’t afford to live like this!

I have my mid-probation (3 months in the job) review on Friday. In some areas I’m doing great, and in others I’m atrocious. I have so much e-learning to do. Really you should do that in your first few weeks… I’m three months in… shit. It’s not just that. There’s other stuff. I get so tired, I sleep in and stuff, it’s so unprofessional. My favourite phrase in work when my incompetence starts appearing is “the cracks are starting to show”. To be fair, I’m severely mentally ill, every day is a fucking struggle! How I manage to just about function – I really don’t know.

I need a week out to get my head straight and then a week of just admin to catch up with everything… unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. Wahhh. Woe is me.

Getting back on the blog train

Hi everyone! I’ve had a little break, things have been a bit hectic; what with starting my new job and everything, but I’m back and will try to be posting daily again!

I am very happy to report I am loving my new job! It’s SO GOOD to have a reason to get up in the morning. Without blowing my own horn – I seem to have made quite an impression. The managers love me and the way I work. I’ve been super organised and thorough, they’re planning on making me team champion… I’ve only been in the job just under a month! I’m actually really proud of myself, which is rare, but it feels kinda good to take pride in the service I provide. I went above and beyond yesterday to support a client and it was really appreciated by them. It gives them the boost these people need when someone listens and helps, which makes me feel good too. It’s a win win.

I am finding it hard to switch off when it’s clocking off time though. I have an addictive personality, so I don’t want to end up a workaholic. I really need to force myself to find that work/life balance.

… Starting tonight! Today is payday! My first pay check, so I’m going out with my boyfriend Dom for a meal at our favourite Italian. My treat. Date night! Gotta be there in half an hour so I’m gonna wrap this up. It’s good to be back!

I am so ready

Still waiting to start my new job. My start date got pushed back because they are waiting for my DBS check to come back. Both my references are back now, but it could be at least another week until I can start!!

I’ve been preparing, buying smart/casual office clothes, stationary, gathering ideas of where to get new clients, I even had a hair cut! Really just wanna get started now. Get into my new routine. Get some money coming in – I’m so skint!

I love my new hair, went to an expensive hairdressers in town after a recommendation from my brother’s girlfriend. I was a bit nervous after the last time when I had my old hairdresser, who’s gone mobile, come to my house and mess it up. But no – this new woman is amazing! I have found my new hairdresser! I’ve got an all round undercut, short back and sides, I’m growing the top long enough to tie up in a top knot, I’m quite a way off at the mo.

Good news!

I haven’t posted in a little while, but all is well.. in fact, all is very well! – I had an interview for a job on the same contract as I worked before, just with a different charity (working with people who are homeless or at risk of homelessness), anyway… I GOT THE JOB! I am sooo happy and excited and relieved. I completely aced the interview.

I have a start date (so long as my checks come back in time) for Thursday 24th June. I have loads of ideas and I’m really enthusiastic about starting. The first two weeks will be training, and then I can start building up a client base and meet some people on my caseload. Eeek! Finally, got a job… after six months of being unemployed! Massive weight has been lifted.

Plus! There are perks – if I pass my probationary period of six months, I will be employed by the charity permanently! Real stability! I really can’t mess this up! This is it! New chapter!

Cinema at the IMAX

Yesterday afternoon, in my luxury state of being unemployed, my mom (who works part time – reducing her hours to retirement) and my brother (who… well, also doesn’t have a job -but hasn’t done for a LOT longer than me) went to the cinema together. Cinema is pretty much my brother’s life, he has a masters degree in it. He was telling us just how much the film industry has felt the hit from Covid. People apparently now prefer watching films in the comfort of their own homes, but we all agreed -you just can’t beat the big screen! I love going to the cinema. It was a treat when we were kids. I think it helped me follow plot lines as it’s almost impossible to get distracted from a massive lit up screen right in front of you as you sit in the dark with loud surround sound. We saw Godzilla Vs King Kong! It was great! Action packed!

I got myself a diet drink and some salty popcorn, sat back and watched the Titans fight for the 1 hour 20 duration of the film. I let myself be completely immersed in the action, it was well worth seeing in the IMAX screen!

I won’t be able to do things like this when I have a job… well, I WILL, but not at 4pm on a weekday when things are quiet. I’ll have to cram all my leisure activities, socialising and exercising into the weekend… I’ve forgotten, how do people do that again?! I’ve been unemployed for six long months. Don’t get me wrong, I really want this job that I’m interviewing for next Thursday. But it will be weird.

Got an interview!

A few weeks ago I enquired about current job vacancies at some of the rival service providers of my last job. They deliver the exact same service on the same contract, only to different types of clientele (I was a work coach to people that face barriers to gaining employment in my previous job). My ex ‘big boss’ told me some of the other service providers were hiring, we’re still in occasional contact – he’s a good egg. I think he feels bad for letting me go, and knowing that I still haven’t found work -six months on! I found one company with a vacancy, but… for no reason whatsoever, I put off applying straight away…

Last week I received a text from my old project manager letting me know that she’d seen this rival charity were hiring for someone to do my old job. I thought it was really nice of her, so I played dumb, pretended to know nothing about it, and thanked her. Her messaging kind of gave me a shove in the direction of actually applying for the job, so I filled out the application there and then (which to my surprise was the easiest app in the world!), attached my CV, and sent it off! Done and done. Then -a mere few hours later- I received an email from the company inviting me to interview on June 3rd!

So… now I have to prepare for that. I not only have relevant experience, I have exact experience. Okay… it’s a different clientele, homeless people instead of people with hearing loss, but I’ll do my research into the different barriers homeless people face in getting employment, read up on the charity, all that jazz!

I don’t wanna be too confident, but I am hopeful! Fingers crossed for me!

Nope…

I got a message from the guy I went to school with who was looking for someone to work in the brewery… my interview was supposed to be tomorrow, but the message was cancelling it. They don’t want me… they wanted a professional brewer or an experienced driver – neither of which am I. So the message was very polite saying he doesn’t want to waste my time or lead me on just to turn me down. I have them to thank for that at least, I guess. I had kind of set my heart on a new thing though, so now I have no clue what kind of job to look for. Absolutely no one will take me on. Fuck. My. Life.

On the plus side… (I think..?)

I have an interview! On Thursday. It’s at a microbrewery pub. I know the guy who runs it from school, he was in my form, we sat opposite each other. It was advertised on Facebook and I kinda jumped at it. Dived right in before looking at where it was… turns out it is MILES away… but I’ve already done and application and got an interview now. Looked up where afterwards… like a complete dumb ass. I can’t drive, and there are no direct buses. So it’s gonna take me 15 mins in a taxi each way. Which will take a chunk out of the average-ish wage I would get, IF successful that is.

I really don’t know if this is a good move or not… I’ll be taking a pay cut from my last job (but at the moment no one else will have me!), it’s miles away (so I’ll spend a fortune on travel), and I don’t know if I’m emotionally stable enough not to let the guy down! He needs a hard working staff member for an immediate start (we’re talking next week!). No.1 – it would get me out of this god forsaken house, and the rut and relationship problems that are going with it at the mo. No.2 – some money is better than no money at all! No.3 – I might lose some weight having to actually do things. No. – I’d get to meet people and practise social skills after lockdown!

But.. then again. There is a well paid job that I have recent, relevant, skills sets for based in an employment office 12 mins from my house. I could cycle and earn a fortune if I was successful. More than ever before!

Basically, I don’t know… do I continue going for office jobs being stuck behind a desk getting fatter and fatter and hating life. Or do I be less well off being active working in a pub which might suit me better…?

Happy day

Woke up late this morning, I’m usually pestered awake by Dom, as he has a thing about being in bed past 12pm 🙄… I’m a lazy person. I like to sleep. This bothers me. But, recently (since we got the PS4) he plays FIFA on a Saturday morning – giving me a lie in.

I rolled out of bed afternoon time, and was feeling great! Just so happy! I couldn’t place why, but still, it’s all good! It could have had to do with the online test I completed in the tryout for a job with the DWP (Government’s Department for Work and Pensions).

Also, yesterday an ex colleague and friend got in contact about a job they have been made aware of by an ex employer of theirs… senior work coach that would earn a fortune! I have the skill set. She also said she’d put in a good word for me!! I’m so flattered! Totally applying to this ASAP! Never know! So I’m going for that too!

Just feeling a bit more hopeful about the future!

It’s a… No.

Woke up this morning in a cold sweat (which is becoming the norm) following nightmare-ish stressful dreams. Decided not to move for a few hours. Didn’t even check my phone (almost like I knew it would be bad news). When I eventually peeled myself out of bed, popped my pills and checked my emails there it was… the ‘sorry but you have been unsuccessful’ email from my old job. I was so emotionally fucked by it that I didn’t react. Didn’t cry, didn’t even sigh. I think I’m broken now. How far I have fallen… I can’t even get offered my own job back from a charitable company that work closely with disabilities. My mental health issues clashing with work was too much for the company to handle. They knew they couldn’t sack me, so they waited until my contract ran out and then did everything they could not to re-hire me. Too much trouble for them to deal with the personality disorder.

There was another notification on my phone. A missed call from my GP surgery. I called back and they booked me in to have my COVID-19 vaccine tomorrow! I was shocked. I’m only 32. I read online the other day that doctors practices are now giving the vaccine to the severely mentally ill. I guess that’s me. Mental illness stops me from working yet gets me a VIP ticket out of the pandemic risk?… it’s swings and roundabouts.

I’m pretty messed up at the moment. To be honest, I don’t know what is keeping me going. I wake up to wait to go back to sleep. The days are empty. Boring. I have no motivation to occupy myself. I try to force it, for my boyfriend’s sake. He’s working his arse off 24/7 doing his final year of his Bioinformatics PhD. While I rattle around the house with a blank look on my face. All I have to look forward to is getting fucked on the weekends. Even that has it’s downfalls, the inevitable dreaded hangover until the next drinking session. My hangover was so bad last weekend I actually puked. I’m 32.. I should not be binge drinking to the extent I puke due to been hungover. Buuuut, I’m unemployed and depressed. I know I’m not helping myself.

At what point do I give up? I’m not allowed to be on work related benefits, rent, food, bills, still have to be paid for though… my Mom is helping me out where she can, bless her, she’s been sticking a few hundred quid in my account once a month – which is lovely of her but makes me feel like shit. Again, I’m 32… I should not be sponging off my mom. Ugh. I need a job, I need my own money.

In the back of my mind I’ve started to weigh up the likelihood of me getting a job in the current climate, and whether it would be worth applying for disability benefits. I know I have enough going on to qualify. I think that’s a discussion I need to have with Dom. I would hate for him to think I’m a waster, I want to work, and I will! But how soon… I just don’t know.