Workin’ it out!

So I’ve been in my new (managers) role for a whole month now, (I still can’t believe it!). All in all… it’s gone very well. My manager, however, neglects to support me, which I am not used to! I get zero guidance, few instructions and minimal praise. But, it’s just meant I’ve had to stand up and very quickly become a strong, independent leader. I’ve had to put my boss boots on a few times, things are taking shape though, and i’ve got to remember that me and the team are all learning.

I’ve also started Therapy. Tuesday afternoons at 4:00pm, which would be impossible as I work 8:30am-4pm, but I requested that we do it via video calls, so I don’t have to travel a million miles across town and have to miss work.

It’s going well, only three sessions in. I like my therapist. He seem’s very fair, insightful, informed, empathetic, understanding, humble and kind. I’ll refer to him as ‘J’. He’s already gained my respect, we’ve spoken about my previous attempts at therapy and what I got, or got denied (in one case) from it. I like that he is conscious not to go over the same things as before, and he seems eager to help me. He’s commented on my ability to reflect on things and convey my message clearly, which I appreciated. You know me, love a bit of praise!

New job – week one!

I have had a GREAT first week at my new job as a first time manager. Everyone in the company have been so welcoming and friendly! I only got my devises (laptop, phone etc.) on Thursday afternoon, so most of the week was meetings with various departments and shadowing. Thankfully now I can get in with some real work!

I seem to have made a good impression, I’ve got loads of new, fresh ideas, and people are excited to hear them. I’ve even been said to be thinking outside the box! I’ll be meeting with the CEO next week, which I’m really looking forward to. I want to pick her brain about the organisation.

I’ve spent tonight ordering office-y things for my desk. I’ve never had my own desk before! It’s great! The team of two I’m managing seem pretty cool. One man one woman. Both a bit younger than me. They came into the project internally, so already know everyone and are familiar with the values of the charity. I’m going to deliver training on being a job coach and employability skills as they are both quite new to the employment department.

There is not much to report apart from how ecstatically happy I am right now! The early starts have been a bit tough. It’s 35 hours a week, 8:30am – 4:00pm. But the early start means an early finish!!! One of the days I arrived home at 4:50pm. Not even five! The evenings seem a lot longer which is nice. Just… absolutely loving life right now!

Interview 3rd time lucky!

After my last post – the interview I did for Business Development and Data Analysis job within the company was unsuccessful… to be fair, I was actually a little bit relieved. It was a shot in the dark for a pay increase and I was under qualified. I would have been out of my depth had I have been successful. Do that was interview number one.

Interview number two… after applying for the Lead role in a similar company’s employment department and hearing nothing back I was open to the job market. I received a phone call out of the blue from a recruitment agency who found my CV on CV Library. They had a vacancy to fill in the employment department of a charity/organisation that they thought I might be interested in. I heard them out and surprise, surprise – it was a mental health employability organisation that work with CMHT’s in the NHS. One of which I have had some level of support from. So an interview was set up with me over teams as the salary was set to be again a good five grand more than I am on currently. It was over Microsoft Teams, and I got through the interview with the opinion that it had gone really well. To be honest I thought I had it in the bag. However, the agency called me a few days later letting me know I’d been unsuccessful. I was actually shocked. I had more than enough experience but the feed back was that I talked my way off topic. That’s clearly my ADHD coming into play, along with your general interview nerves. So that was another fail.

The same day I found out I’d failed the second interview I received an email asking me to call a number regarding my application for the employability lead role (the one I thought I’d been overlooked for). So I phoned and they told me they loved my (10 page long) application and would like to invite me to interview! I was so thrilled. They explained the reason why it was so long since the application deadline to shortlisting was due to staffing absences. They postponed the shortlisting process until everyone could be together. I agreed and book the day off Annual Leave.

The interview was at 10am. It was a three part interview, 30 mins shadowing, 30 mins panel, and 30 mins values. I got through it, but after the last two knock backs I couldn’t tell if what I had done would be good enough. I felt pretty good in my outfit strutting around town all afternoon, post manager role interview. They told me I’d find out if I was successful either the next day or by the end of the week.

The very next day I was back at work. My first appointment didn’t show up. I got a phone call from an unknown number. It was one of the people who were on the panel telling me I was successful and had got the job of DWP Employability Lead! I almost screamed! This was everything I’d been dreaming about since spending about 10 hours on a 10 page application. I knew I had the relevant experience to be a manager, just needed to break through and be given that initial opportunity to prove myself in the role.

I’m so thrilled! This was more money salary wise than the other two jobs I went for. This one is a nine and a half grand increase! Biggest pay rise ever! I’ve handed my notice in at my current job and have had the official job offer letter from the new place. Both are homelessness charitable organisations, so I’m well versed in their clientele/needs. Only difference is – now I’ll be leading a team who do what I do now. I will be middle management. No longer customer facing. So ‘climbing that ladder’ as I said in a previous post, is now happening!!

My start date is Monday 7th March 2022. My working hours (which scare me a little) will be 8:30am – 4:00pm… I am shit at early starts….. that will have to change. Need to set the bar for my team. Can’t be a role model if I’m late! I’m so excited and nervous at the same time. Apparently I’m starting on the same day as my team! To be honest I would have preferred to have had at least a one day head start on them, so that I can get to grips with the targets snd what I’ll be asking of them.

Anyway. For now I’m just doing handover stuff at work with my manager and colleagues. It feels so strange that I’ll be moving on and up. we have all agreed that we’ll be in close contact once I’m gone, which is nice. My manager has been amazing. Cannot fault her. She is my rock. I doubt I’ll get that kind of support in work again, but now I have to be that manager to others.

Covid Christmas

As you may have guessed from the title, I had covid this Christmas (I guess it’s ‘last’ Christmas now)… yep, the bloody virus that has plagued the world for the last few years finally caught up with me. And it meant I couldn’t spend Christmas Day with my family, which sucked, big time! Me and Dom were isolating, so he couldn’t go and stop with his family either. We made the best of a bad situation though. Neither of us were too ill on the big day, I’d actually started to test negative, but with Dom being positive we continued to isolate until the day after Boxing Day when we had both been negative for two days running.

My lovely Mom helped us out over the isolation period, did us a grocery shop, she even cooked and delivered us a full blown Christmas dinner on the day!!! I got to wave at her from the gate. It was so sweet of her, it made me happy-sad, (a concept that I’ve come up with to explain my conflicting emotions).

Anywho, Dom and I practically drank our way through the 10 (or more) day illness. I lost my sense of smell and taste at one stage, but thankfully it came back by Christmas Eve. Losing smell and taste is devastating! Especially during the holiday period where we are all indulging in deliciousness!

We had a quiet New Year’s Eve. I spent most of it doing e-learning for work… that’s right, I logged on to complete ruddy e-learning. 31st December was the deadline and I had left a LOT of it to the very last minute. I started at about midday and didn’t finish until about 10:30pm. What a way to start the new year! -trying desperately to finish off all the crap you always put off, and tie up loose ends.

Just before the strike of twelve I called my Mom and then joined Dom in a Zoom call to his mates. We got drunk and slept late on New Year’s Day, as is the done thing (if you don’t have children).

I’m feeling pretty positive about the new year, I will continue to progress, in all areas of life. Slow as I am – I am getting better…

Please, don’t leave me…

Over the weekend Dom nearly broke up with me… to be honest……… I don’t blame him.

There is so much I’m doing wrong: I don’t pull my weight around chores and house work, I never cook, barely ever wash up – don’t even know how to use the new washing machine, I drink alcohol at every given opportunity (to excess), I act without thinking about the consequences, I’m selfish, I don’t think about other people, I’m inconsiderate, I’m entitled and expect everything to be done for me and I rely entirely on other people to do everything. I am basically a dependant child, I never take responsibility for my actions, or admit to being wrong. I find it near impossible to apologise in a meaningful way, and worst of all I never change! I blame my mental illnesses for the way I act and react or don’t act, but there is more to it. I got lazy. I lost my drive, my will power… my determination. I lost myself. Relationships are a partnership, they take work. I’ve slacked off and jeopardised everything. I nearly lost Dom for fuck’s sake! The love of my life. All because I stopped trying, at life. I stopped putting effort in and became completely self absorbed. He has the patients of a fucking saint to put up with me being this horrible, and for so long! How he’s stayed with me though my shit I really don’t know.

I apologised for real today. I can see it all now. I took a long hard look at myself over the weekend, and I didn’t like what I saw. I feel like I have woken up for the first time in literally years. He’s right, it’s repeated behaviour. Why would he want to continue a life together being my mother, my carer, my fucking slave for God’s sake. It would not be fair.

The weekend was an eye opener. A wake up call. I know this is not who I am. I CAN change, for the better. I know I can. It’s going to take more than therapy, it’s going to have to be driven from within me.

I said “I’m nothing without him” and that’s got to change too. I need to be a someone, I need to have self respect, stand on my own two feet. We can lean on each other for support in times of need, but the poor guy has been carrying me!

Well no more. Today was a new day. A fresh start. I’ve started to make changes already. It helps that I can see clearly now. I think I definitely have an alcohol problem. I would even say… at this point I admit to being a functioning alcoholic. I haven’t touched a drop for two days now. I’m not blaming the alcohol, but it is a catalyst to a downward spiral.

I need to be alert to my behaviour, pay attention to other people, let myself feel instead of numbing out or getting bind drunk. I will change. I’m certain of it. Even if I need to re-read this post everyday for the next five years. I can’t go on mistreating Dom, and the people I love.

Target 🎯 smashed!

This month we were all set a target of 10 new registrations. I got 11… yes, that’s 110% Woop! In line for the prize for most registrations in September I think! Apparently the prize is to do with a team night out! Now, that sounds like my kinda prize! I’ve also written an article for world mental health day. I’ll probably post it on here on the day, because why not!

I got a hair cut today too, hence the new look. I fear I look a bit like a stereotypical lesbian, and a fat one at that! I don’t really mind, I’m just glad to finally get it cut! Was driving me mad!

I’m a bit proud and a bit ashamed… Proud because I got all those registrations, but ashamed because I am behind on logs, and it’s getting worse! I need to get back on top before I’m in over my head! I have my 3 month mid-probationary period review on Friday. I really don’t want to let my boss down. There are just not enough hours in the week when you have ADHD. I need to speak to her about this.

Getting back on the blog train

Hi everyone! I’ve had a little break, things have been a bit hectic; what with starting my new job and everything, but I’m back and will try to be posting daily again!

I am very happy to report I am loving my new job! It’s SO GOOD to have a reason to get up in the morning. Without blowing my own horn – I seem to have made quite an impression. The managers love me and the way I work. I’ve been super organised and thorough, they’re planning on making me team champion… I’ve only been in the job just under a month! I’m actually really proud of myself, which is rare, but it feels kinda good to take pride in the service I provide. I went above and beyond yesterday to support a client and it was really appreciated by them. It gives them the boost these people need when someone listens and helps, which makes me feel good too. It’s a win win.

I am finding it hard to switch off when it’s clocking off time though. I have an addictive personality, so I don’t want to end up a workaholic. I really need to force myself to find that work/life balance.

… Starting tonight! Today is payday! My first pay check, so I’m going out with my boyfriend Dom for a meal at our favourite Italian. My treat. Date night! Gotta be there in half an hour so I’m gonna wrap this up. It’s good to be back!