I am such a lonely fucker… I’m at the pub by myself, as per usual. Texting the handful of people, ‘friends’ (mainly family..) in my phone book for a bit of conversation, but everyone is too busy. I think I’m getting depressed…

Cried my eyes out for hours last night in bed at the thought that everybody dies… My Mom and Dad will die, by brother and boyfriend will die, everyone I know will die. I can’t handle it.

People are starting to look fragile to me again. I’m drinking more and spending more time in bed. These are all my warning signs. I’m irritable and then feel guilty about being that way. And I’m mourning the loss of good times before they’ve even happened. It’s my birthday soon. I’ll be 32.

I forgot about being thirty one.

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