Every Thursday afternoon Dom has counselling in town with some woman named Suzette. I am honest and open regarding my degrees of jealousy around it – 1. He goes and openly expresses his feelings to some random woman every week and he can’t do that with me… and – 2. He gets the chance to regularly offload on someone like that, and I don’t?!
The specialist service I was under (SPS) have denied me support twice, after being either ‘too mental’, or ‘not mental enough’… It feels so unfair, because I so clearly need something like that. I am not in control of my emotions at all, they rule and fuck up every aspect of my life.
I bought bloody self help books with some of my Christmas money, because no one will help me. They all turn around and tell me that “it doesn’t work like that – I can’t tell you what to do to fix yourself – that has to come from you”… well what are you being fucking paid for then! When I change my thought process and try a new approach they accuse me of saying things to please them. I can’t win.
This is fresh right now because it’s Thursday and Dom’s not long got home from his counselling session. He’s going on about having ADHD again (which he only thought he might have after I got diagnosed). I’m just wound up. Rather than be aggressive and defensive thought I’d write this post.